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Miami’s homage to Bad Poetry Day

As you may or may not know, today is Bad Poetry Day. That means you can take out those old notebooks from your angsty teenage phase and reminisce over all the crap you used to think was so deep and have a hearty laugh at your own expense.

Look how far you’ve come!

But today we pay respect, not to the Maya Angelous and John Keats’ among us, but to those who scrawl crappy poems on napkins and bathroom stalls simply because you have something to say. And it may not be beautiful, but damn it, we all deserve a little love too!

We asked you to give us your best (aka worst) poems about Miami and they POURED in and kept us laughing!

Here are some of our favorite entries.

“I didn’t realize there was such a thing as “good” poetry.
Bad Poetry! Oh Noetry!!”

-Zain Aslam

Of course there was plenty to say about Miami cuisine…which is basically cafecito and croquetas apparently

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“Bottles and boats life

But like, I love croquetas

Irregardless duh.”

– Tatiana “Tati Chula” Estrada

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There was a whole genre dedicated to Miami traffic, it seems.

“Passing from an exit lane

On a rainy stretch

Of I-95. Dale.”

-Marina

“Oh no

Ohhhhhhhhhhh no

You can not park there

Like maybe during the day but not now

You gonna get towed”

-Galen Treuer

“Stuck in traffic? Breathe

Manatees could have robbed you

See? It could be worse!”

-Anonymous

“I love it when you

decide to break suddenly.

The lane is empty.”

-Marin

And there’s nothing quite like that unpredictable Miami weather…

“Outside, it is raining but I know it will stop.

So I wear my strappy sandals, because they are cute.

On the drive to work, it rains again.

Everything slows down.

I can’t see.

It stops.

I avoid puddles while walking in from the parking lot,

looking at my toes.”

-Anonymous

“Miami, Miamuh, Miameee

Mosquitos

Heat

&

Humidity

Rich People in Fancy Cars

Poor People in Stinky Bars

The Beach is where we are all the same,

Food for Sharks.”

-Arrow Fuentes

miami-be-like

There were so many poetic musings over the artificial voluptuousness of the ladies of the 305.

“Maybe she’s born with

it, (Maybe it’s a new ass

implant for Christmas).”

– Beverly Tan Murray

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There was even an ode to the ratchet…

“There he was, guapo,

twerking with me to, “My Neck,

My Back.” We’re now married.”

– Beverly Tan Murray 

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And some poems just had a little bit of everything about those inexplicable things that makes Miami the Magic City…

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“I’ve traveled the world

Through many countries I’ve hurled

But nothing quite matches the feeling

Despite the good food and the stealing

Of when I arrive

In the beloved 305

Humidity drenches me to the bone

And I explode into road rage on the drive home

With the palm trees swaying

And the drunk people too

We have croquetas

And women with nice tetas

Miami can’t be beat

We have the best Cuban food to eat

And if you don’t like it

That’s really too bad.

We ain’t mad.

Dale!”

-Anonymous

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But as far as we are concerned there was clear winner…

“cafecito

makes my heart beat faster

just like

your mom.”

—fp

Thank you to everyone that submitted their awful poetry. You kept us laughing! And thanks to our friends at O, Miami and Books & Books for playing along!

Honorable mention to @books_pastelitos for GOING IN on this challenge. Don’t worry, we’ve got a great runner up prize for you. 😉

Enjoy Bad Poetry Day, Miami, and remember that poetry is everywhere all you have to do is look.