How to get, set off, and watch 4th of July fireworks in Miami… legally

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You will never be able to un-see this.

It’s July 4th weekend. Come Monday, in backyards all around Miami, people will celebrate America’s birthday with barbeques and pool parties. And of course, by nightfall, bold and beautiful fireworks will burst into the night sky.  (Peep our rundown of everything to do this weekend here.)

But as tents full of fireworks pop up on every corner, enticing you with those Roman Candles,  firecrackers, and bottle rockets — you should know that unless you intend to scare geese away from your farm … lighting up one of those bad boys is super illegal. Retailers will still sell them to you, but they’ll make you sign a waiver that says you’re going to do the right thing.

Because Florida, the fireworks laws are kinda janky here. But it’s all good — we’ll break it down for ya.

What’s legal? Only sparklers, things that make smoke, things that don’t make a “bang” sound, and things that don’t propel in the air are allowed for recreational use. Check out the fire marshal’s full list here.

What’s illegal? Everything else. Basically, you need an agricultural permit or some other exemption to be able to buy anything with more than 100 grams of that explosive chemical that makes the loud bang sound or anything that shoots into the sky.

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You know damn well you’re not scaring geese with those firecrackers.

Exceptions are usually only meant for two things: pest control on farms and fisheries or illuminating the sides of railroad tracks. Big public displays are allowed, too, if they apply for and get the right permits.

But, if you go and buy them at a firework stand, the seller won’t check to see if you’re a farmer or are working the graveyard shift at the the railroad station like a Looney Toon. And they’re not really required to.

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Sparklers are basic, but Rihanna is still bae tho.

And because everyone knows sparklers are kind of lame, and writing your name with them to post to Instagram is so 2014, it’s basically: don’t ask, don’t tell.

Where to buy ‘em:

So, now that you’re educated and equipped to make an informed decision — here’s a list of local spots selling fireworks this weekend so you’re not spending your whole weekend driving up and down the streets looking for a pop-up tent:

FireWorks Depot South Florida
Where: 2241 NW 7th St, Miami, FL 33125

Collins Ave. Fireworks
Where: 4833 Collins Ave, Miami Beach, FL 33140

Add Fire Inc.
Where: 8280 NW 64th St. Miami, FL 33166
Contact: (305) 592-7979

The Fireworks Lady
Where: Multiple locations, see below.

West Lake Shopping Center
15154 SW 72nd St, Miami, FL 33193
Contact: (754) 422-2861

Concord Shopping Plaza        
11381 SW 40th St, Miami, FL 33165
Contact: (754) 422-2861

Bird Ludlam
6710 Bird Rd, Miami, FL 33155
Contact: (754) 422-2861

TNT Fireworks Tent
Where: 3200 N.W. 79th Street Miami, FL, 33147

Where to watch ‘em:

If you just don’t feel like putting in the effort of throwing your own shindig or buying your own fireworks, there’s plenty of places to catch a parade, party, or light show on Monday.

We’ll start with your suggestions:

MacArthur Causeway
Where: Pretty self-explanatory, though we hope you don’t mean just straight up park on the causeway.
When: If you take a stroll along the sidewalk around 9 p.m., you can see fireworks in all directions. That’s pretty dope.

Biltmore Hotel Golf Course
Where: 1200 Anastasia Ave., Coral Gables, Fl, 33134
When: Open at 5 p.m., live concert at 7 p.m. and fireworks show at 9 p.m.

Homestead-Miami Speedway
Where: 1 Speedway Blvd, Homestead, Fl, 33035
When: 6 p.m. to 10 p.m

Miami Lakes Picnic Park West
Where: 15151 NW 82nd Ave, Miami Lakes, Fl, 33014
When: 6 p.m. to 11 p.m.

A few we came up with: 

North Shore Park Bandshell
Where: 73rd Street and Collins Avenue, Miami Beach, FL, 33141
When: 9 a.m. to 9 p.m; 9 p.m. fireworks

Bayfront Park
Where: 301 Biscayne Blvd, Miami, FL 33132
When: 12 p.m. to 12 a.m; 12 a.m. fireworks

Key Biscayne Parade
Where: 400 Crandon Blvd. Key Biscayne, FL 33149
When: 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Coconut Grove
Where: 2820 McFarlane Road, Coconut Grove, FL 33133
When: This is a three-fer. Start at The Barnacle for daytime fun from 11:00 a.m to 4:00 p.m., then check out CocoWalk for a hot-dog eating contest from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m., and end at Peacock Park to catch the fireworks at 9 p.m.

Florida International University, Biscayne Bay Campus
Where: 3000 N.E. 151st St. N. Miami, FL 33181
When: 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.;  fireworks at sundown

Roshan Nebhrajani and Mario Restrepo contributed to this story.