Editor’s note: Donald Trump canceled his July 8 lunch at Versailles after the shooting of police officers in Dallas the night before, so this became kind of moot. But maybe he’ll reschedule?
Donald Trump is lunching at Versailles Friday to win over Latino voters here.
It’s no secret he hasn’t exactly endeared himself to the Latino bloc. A Versailles visit is a pretty run-of-the-mill play for votes, but there’s a whole lot that can go wrong.
You don’t want to be former Trump opponent John Kasich eating pizza with a fork and knife or President Obama ordering brisket in North Carolina (which is obviously a pork barbecue state. He gets a pass only because he’s not running anymore).
Trump’s starting at the way bottom of the hill in Miami, so we figured he might be able to use a couple tips so he doesn’t totally screw up his Versailles visit, at least.
Here ya go, Donald.
1. Don’t pound the cafecitos. You’re not impressing anyone when you’re lying on a stretcher after a coronary.
2. Also, don’t drink that whole styrofoam cup of coffee (we call that a colada) all on your own. It comes with a bunch of itty bitty cups for a reason.
3. We can call each other “balseros,” but you can’t.
4. Cuba’s Communist party uses “compañero” to refer to each other as a sort of formal salutation. Don’t call anyone at this lunch compañero.
5. If you hear anyone say “tremendo peluquín,” just smile. They’re just saying your hair looks great.
6. Fritas and frites are not remotely the same thing.
7. If they ask you “Oye, que bola?”, don’t answer.
8. Don’t order the “Caldo Gallego,” you’re not ready to ride with us. A body needs training for that.
9. Don’t mess with the vejitos hanging out at the window. Accidentally skip them in line and shit will go down.
10. You really want to impress, order your after-lunch cafecito con leche evaporada. It’s the OG way to do it.
But for real, order a cubano. Some of best campaign trail food you’ll get.