If Miami neighborhoods went through the Sorting Hat

J.K. Rowling’s newest book, Harry Potter & The Cursed Child Part I & II, comes out at midnight on July 31. WE’RE SO EXCITED. We thought we’d never see Harry again after he graduated from Hogwarts.

To celebrate, we decided to sort Miami’s neighborhoods into their proper Hogwarts houses. There was just one problem: we didn’t have a sorting hat. So we asked you, Miami, to sort the neighborhoods for us.

Here’s the OG Sorting Hat explanation of the houses:

You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true
And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
if you’ve a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin
You’ll make your real friends,
Those cunning folks use any means
To achieve their ends.

We got tons of answers from you all. Here’s what you said.

Ravenclaw seal (Courtesy of Harry Potter Wikia)



“The innovation, tech, and design initiatives in Wynwood and the neighboring area demonstrate a commitment to setting a standard of braininess — Code for Miami, Design Thinking Miami, etc.”

Coral Gables

“Coral Gables continues to draw people through its architectural designs, old beautiful trees and lush landscape and offers so many options for food and especially dessert. It’s sweet and humble. Btw, I love Miami :)”

“Old, white, and rich.”

“Meticulously planned city that houses the University of Miami, a knowledge center in our city. Strong colonial heritage.”

“Rich, educated, snooty, all the best schools.”

Design District

“Design District is Ravenclaw because finding parking there is like solving a riddle to get into the common room.”


“Edgewater is full of 20-somethings and 30-somethings, educated young folk and young families.”

North Beach

“Ravenclaw could be North Beach, wise enough to have all the benefits of being on the beach, smart enough to not be South Beach.”



Overtown and Little Haiti

“Little Haiti is Gryffindor because its residents are courageous in the face of Developers-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.”

“I’m not sure if Miami has any Gryffindors right now. In all of its wonderful qualities, I fear that ‘courage’ isn’t a primary or even secondary characteristic of a neighborhood here. If anything, one could make the argument for Little Haiti or Overtown and find bravery in its activist initiatives (for the latter, Overtown Community and Youth Coalition), but I think courage as a virtue is something that Miami as a city can work on a lot more.”

“Brave and changing and fighting”

Little Havana

“Rose out of the courage of immigrant families to start again in a new land.”


“A bit ramshackle, a little of everything, but always growing and seeking.”

Hufflepuff logo (Courtesy of Harry Potter Wikia)


Coconut Grove

“Coconut Grove is Hufflepuff because it’s inclusive, it’s got a lot going for it, and everybody loves it.”

“Quaint little village without much going on, but [has] dining and beautiful parks.”

“(OBVIOUSLY) arty, loving, welcoming.”

“Very nice and sweet residents — some are a little older and happy-go-lucky. Nice, more or less normal.”

“Hufflepuff is definitely the Grove, nice and laid back with lush landscaping.”

South Miami

“Quiet and quaint, but well-loved.”

Slytherin logo (Courtesy of Harry Potter Wikia)


South Beach

“As if I need to explain.”

Doral and Sweetwater

“Doral or Sweetwater are likely Slytherin in [their] unprecedented growth through real estate development, but investing mostly in real estate and not really anything else… which could read as devious. Slytherin gets a really bad rap as the ‘villainous’ house, so it feels a little bad attributing a neighborhood to it, but if anywhere can be considered ‘devious,’ it’s totally the same place you can find a ton of real estate developers, the majority of which do not have necessities like affordable housing in mind.”


“Some might think because of the number of businesses and professionals in the area that Brickell would be the intellectual and wise part of Miami. I see it as more devious in that it can fool you into believing it is something that it isn’t. I do believe Brickell is resourceful and the neighborhood finds ways to get what it needs by any means.”

“Populated by bankers and lawyers, full of ambition to rise above the rest.”

“Brickell is Slytherin because it’s snooty and a pain in the ass to be around, but they also have La Moon… so at least one redeeming quality.”

The ties


Hufflepuff: “Community centered on wholesome events and active residential involvement. Pinecrest residents enjoy playground play dates, and community programs. Residents are nice and friendly. Suburban serenity is very real indeed.”

Slytherin: “Have you met their cops? Or any of their drivers?”


Slytherin: “Medicare fraud capital of the US, FBI investigations, bailout pending, and just all around sneaky officials.”

Hufflepuff: “Much maligned but for no real reason! Just don’t need to make things pretty all the time when you have good food.”

Thanks to everyone who wrote in! You’ve been entered into a raffle for a free copy of the newest book. We’ll pull the names at the Miami-Dade Public Library’s midnight release party Saturday night.